Surviving the Whacky and Evading Punishment

My trip to Pennsylvania, though short, provided me a lovely snippet of my life's past. I met with family and family friends I hadn't seen in two to four years; I ate like some sort of Slavic royal duchess and enjoyed all the local delights I'd been missing; I also made a few pit stops at childhood landmarks - most notably, Waldameer Park & Waterworld, wherein I urged my very acrophobic mother to accompany me on any and all thrill rides which involved speed, stimulating lights and colors, and dizzying heights. Not surprisingly, I was only able to coerce her into riding one famed (kiddie) coaster -

Erie, PA's own Whacky Shack. Enter if you dare; but prior to boarding this ride, please forfeit your walking aid. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GRANDPA. Waldameer is committed to safeguarding the public from maniacal geriatrics and their violent ways -

(If you've ever seen a grimacing, cane-wielding old man shuffle his way through a crowd...you understand. If it were legally permissable, he'd totally assail your ass with that stick, all the while hacking out some diatribe against the youths of today. And I wouldn't put it past him to do this while hiding out in some dark, mediocre haunted house. He'd fit right in with the display of skeletal mannequins draped in fake cobwebs).

Thankfully, my mother had no access to commonplace weaponry such as a cane. Being 57 years-old, she technically qualifies for senior discounts at most Pennsylvania theme parks. And like most demented senior citizens, she oftentimes will display invective and abusive speech towards young people and/or her own children. This is where that instinct kicked in last Sunday -

WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT THAT DIP. Believe it or not, the 8 MPH velocity with which our cart hurled across the track was nearly insufferable to my mother. In a state of complete panic, she asserted, "Whaaaaat the ...NOOOOOOO!!! Oh. GOD!" Then proceeded to condemn my entire being for failing to warn her of such an unforeseen terror. I didn't catch the majority of her chiding; I was too busy fumbling with my camera in an attempt to digitally record her hysteria. I didn't get the shot, but here we are at the end of ride - I am almost certain she is looking for a discarded cane.