Being a food lover with an extraordinarily fast metabolism works to my advantage in most any environment - especially the office. It seems as though every two hours, if I haven't yet wandered through peoples' personal spaces in a desperate search for food and/or entertainment, I am automatically offered a treat of some sort by a concerned passerby. Invariably, they will state something to the effect of, "Oh my god. You're losing weight. Like, a lot of weight...here, have this doughnut." -or- "Why can't I have your 'problem'? Here's a candy bar, hopefully you will wake up with a tire around your waist tomorrow."
They keep feeding me, and to their dismay, I continue to exhibit the same figure.
Today I realized that my co-workers have me on a feeding schedule - though it is not entirely regimented (I do not always have to wait two long hours), there is no end to the offerings. And I'm not complaining.
Generally, my first concern of any given work day is to grab breakfast to-go from the employee cafeteria (this is after I eat breakfast at home prior to my shift). Once I am finished, the first individual to notice that my desk is lacking in food items will assail me with whatever food item they can find. A pretzel? How about some old peppermints I found in my drawer?! ANYTHING TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND FUNCTIONING UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF SOME MEDICAL ATTENTION. This persists throughout the day.
I fear that if I do not begin to gain weight like a normal human, they will soon ship me off to the circus, and I would become the only creature the public would be encouraged to feed...awesome.
But!! Then again, I will be forced to spend time around clowns. NOT. COOL.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment