Questions I'm Most Often Asked by Strangers

1. Are you a dancer?
Often followed by an intensely creepy remark such as, "you know, YOU MOVE LIKE ONE."

2. Have you accepted Jesus into your life?
To this I most often respond with unintentional sarcasm. Like, "Jesus is totally my master. I love being a serf for Jesus." I'm trying to seem sincere; but I will invariably fail each time - whether by vocal tone, facial expression, or inappropriate word choice. That, and the proselytizing population can inherently detect that I was raised by hippies/devil worshippers.

3. Are you from Russia or something?
Actually, I am. You may have gathered this by noticing my indecipherable accent and the fact that I carry vodka with me everywhere I travel. Also, the babushka is a flagrant clue.
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I'm beginning to wonder if I would elicit any stares should I combine these observations into one glorious fashion statement. If I publicly exhibited myself as a Russian ballerina/nun, would people even take a second glance? Or is this style entirely applicable to my disposition? I'm beginning to think that it is. I've got the Russian look, whatever that is, and I totally have access to a nun outfit (we've got an ex-nun in the family!) All I need now is a pink tutu, a pair of flats, and a tailor who is willing to create something atrocious for the sake of my whim. I should really contact Project Runway.